I'm Definitely Judging You
Updated: Jun 4
Look, we all judge people. Many of us love to preface potentially fascinating information with the ol’, “I won’t judge!” only to then listen—yet actively conjure judgments in our heads about them. Although, I’m working on a more candid lead-in, I certainly have been one to use that line—don’t judge me, okay?!
Most of us within this realm (certainly including myself) will naturally judge you based off of your words, looks, actions—pretty much anything we can perceive, we will form judgment about.
For many, the idea of someone judging them can be crippling. I assume because we are mortified to think that the thoughts we, ourselves, have about others, others may, too, have about us. It’s a cycle of madness, really, but it is likely one of the most recurring themes in this social life we lead.
So, what to do?
There are two parts to this ordeal. One segment has to do with changing the way we perceive ourselves (super easy, right?!). A lot of the thoughts we assume others are thinking about us, we are, in fact, thinking about ourselves. Our personal thoughts are grease in our mental arteries—they are built up over time by the things that we perceive the world to be telling us from the moment we are born.
Some things the world tells us are rather blunt; if we have someone or multiple people who are close to us whom badger us verbally or physically—that will negatively shape our inner voice. Then, there are things the world tells us in which aren’t so obvious; that guy in your class who is extremely talkative and has other features you don’t have appears to get a lot more attention than you do—and, as a human being (social creatures), we naturally crave attention—so there MUST be something awry with you, right? No, absolutely not.
We were all created differently for a reason. There are many whom say, “Nobody is perfect and we all have a lot to learn,” however, I find that to be a tad on the downbeat side, and prefer the phrasing, “We are all perfect, and are consistently becoming more ourselves.” I know I’m banging on the narcissist’s door currently, but, if much of the world has to offer us is negativity in some way, then why not challenge the muck with small, caring endorsements to ourselves that bring us closer and closer to our full potential?
The possible outrage you felt while reading just the part of the phrase that goes, “We are all perfect,” is an attestation to the way that the world wants us to hold our heads so low we can never achieve a hint of true self-love or self-appreciation.
I am not saying, “Never change.” I am attempting to convey, if you’re going to tell yourself anything, it might as well be something that brings you up a level not knocks you down a peg, because words matter—especially the ones in your head.
And, of course it goes without saying (but I’m going to say it anyway), that you don’t want the bullies, sinister, sick beings, and wicked villains of your life to say to themselves, “I am perfect,” and so in turn, never apologize or ever work to ascend to a position further than the disturbing place they were in when they hurt you—no! However, as far as segues go, that is a decent one…
Here’s where things can get… difficult for some to grasp. My second point is this: Just as you have an ability to change and become more, so does everyone else. Yes, that is rather humanistic of me to believe as such, but my beliefs aren’t warranted without a lot. Of. Hard. Work. From. These. People.
If you know someone who’s burdened many souls in this lifetime and “all of a sudden” you get wind that that person is trying to change or “become a better person,” surely, for you, in the long run, it may be beneficial to forgive them, but that is far easier said than done, and I am certainly not one to say you “MUST.” However, understand, simply because you do not forgive someone, does not mean that, at a pivotal moment in their lives, they cannot stop being the abusive individual they were when they harmed you, and put in the sincere labor to become better and more.
It may be a harsh reality for some, that people can indeed change. It may not happen often or it may not ever happen, but, if it does, that is the novel footpath of that being, and they do have every right to turn a new corner with or without your blessing.
This is all a verbose way of saying, “We are all consistently becoming ourselves.” So, do feel free to judge someone based off a moment in time, as their acts in that instant may very well warrant judgment, however, understand that anyone, including yourself, has the full potential of true change.
Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? Five? Last year? Are you the same person you were last week? No. You’re not even the same person you were yesterday. Every—even small experience—we have, shapes us to becoming who we were always meant to be. So, TRY to be gracious with others whom show effort and, most importantly, hold firmly, grace for yourself.